TRIBUNE COLUMN

TRIBUNE COLUMN
Ol’ Clark puts the brakes on Columbia road bullies

By BILL CLARK

Published Monday, June 4, 2007

George Pell, a Tribune reader and frequent letter writer, was rightfully incensed about the actions of Columbia’s army of motorized scofflaws.

In a recent letter to the editor, he cited a variety of violations "by rude and inconsiderate drivers," including "running red lights and stop signs, blocking intersections, cutting each other off and tailgating."

He asked: "Is your time more valuable than my time?" He asked: "Whatever happened to self-respect and integrity and doing what is right? Is it hard to simply obey the laws and be courteous?"

Allow me to answer those questions and leave a few numbers at the end of this brief session on traffic etiquette.

First, no one’s time is more important than another’s time. At age 74, though, I often feel I have less time remaining than I did 25 years ago. So, if you’re 49 and I’m 74, my time truly is more valuable than your time, regardless of whom you are.

My valuable time, however, does not give me license to cut you off in traffic.

Whatever happened to self-respect? The road bully probably never had any self-respect, and that’s not my problem, it is his. When he shows no respect for others, then he’s infringing on my territory. Integrity and doing what’s right? Forget it. A road bully is a road bully.

Let me tell you a little secret. I love to run the radar gun in truck traffic on the open highway. I love to hear the sound of air brakes shutting down rigs roaring by at 85 miles per hour. I also look for the opportunity to trap road bullies in the right lane and then drive the speed of the car in front of them no matter how clear the road is in my left lane. I love to look over and smile from time to time.

"Enjoy the speed limit, hot dog!"

Pell asks "Is it hard to obey the laws and be courteous?" Yes, if you’re a road bully; no, if I trap you in traffic.

If you remember, a couple of months ago, I ran the first five number of traffic violators’ six-digit license numbers to protect the guilty. I since have compiled a new and interesting list. Here are a few; see if you qualify.

The following were outstanding lane-changing, cutoff artists: 310-AA?; 284-Xc?; 621-AZ?; Y80-SP?; 805-TF?; 357-WN?; 862-KN?; 792-ZF?; 806-NG?; 960-YG?; 952-ZF?; 313-KJ?; 027-NN?.

Racing on Providence Road at 80 mph: 462-TC? and 793-YS?.

Ran red lights by ignoring the yellow or just simply ignoring the red: 021-K4?; 672-FW?; 537-YG?; 822-PS?; 540-DC?; PG$-61?; 797-YC?; 114-SG?; 461-JY?.

Try the jewels: Taxi made not a hint of stopping for a stop sign: 180-YM?. Turned right from left with left blinker on: 93E-21?.

Turned right across two lines: 504-PS?.

Made U-turn in middle of Grindstone in traffic: 748-RR?.

Made U-turn in 900-block of Broadway to grab a parking space: 498-YZ?

That’s 30 folks who violated in front of Ol’ Clark in recent weeks. I failed to get the numbers of at least twice that many. I’m one person in 40,000 who drive Columbia’s streets each day. How many violators do you think we have in our fair city? Keep your own log.

These numbers do not include speeders and wandering cell phone users. I’d need a ream of paper to log those folks.

Because Ol’ Clark still owns a very accurate radar gun, properly registered with the police, maybe a speed check is in order. We’ll start on route B. then to Highway 63 South to Grindstone, onto Providence road and Interstate 70, where the speed limit is 60 mph in the city limits.

I’ll give you good odds that there will be at least three speeders for every two drivers within the law.

So how to we curb such motorized scofflaws? Daily enforcement on the major speedways will help. Heavier fines make for a lighter foot on the gas pedal. License restrictions really work. Make use of cell phones in a moving vehicle a violation and enforce it.

Actually, none of the above will succeed until the road bullies are able, like alcoholics, to finally realize just how dangerous they are to themselves and to others.

I feel for George Pell, and I drive very defensively because I don’t really trust anyone behind the wheel except Carl Edwards and me and sometimes I question Carl.

Bill Clark’s columns appear Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Reach him at 474-4510.